Partner Co-Regulation:
A Valentine’s Day Gift That Keeps on Giving
With Valentine’s Day just around the corner, love and relationships are on many of our minds. But let’s be honest—relationships take work!
Whether you’re navigating the whirlwind of a newborn, chasing after toddlers, or juggling the day-to-day, prioritizing your relationship and your own well-being can feel like a challenge. In fact, research shows that 67% of couples report a decrease in relationship satisfaction up to three years after having a baby. The one-third that didn’t face these struggles? They did not experience less hardships in life. But they shared three commonalities. They were more more likely to approach their challenges as a team, have a strong foundation of friendship, and utilize healthy conflict management strategies.
The transitions from 0-1, 1-2, or even 2-3 kids are incredibly demanding. I want to share some practical ways you can co-regulate with your partner, nourish both of your nervous systems, and strengthen your bond so that your relationship can also withstand the challenge. Supporting your nervous system is essential for thriving within your own body, which, in turn, allows you to give more in your relationship.
It’s not always easy to find time for connection, especially when life is busy. But preparing your relationship by practicing co-regulation before major life transitions (like having a baby!) can create a solid foundation for you both. It will not only help you navigate the postpartum period, but also bolster your relationship when sleep deprivation and stressors are high.
This Valentine’s Day, try one of these simple ways to co-regulate with your partner:
1. Engage in Calming Activities Together
Find ways to relax and connect through shared activities, whether it’s a peaceful walk, cooking dinner together, or even playing a game. These moments of connection are an easy way to calm your nervous system and create shared memories.
2. Physical Touch That Promotes Safety
Physical touch is a powerful tool for co-regulation. Holding hands, giving hugs, or simply sitting close can help both of you feel more secure and supported.
3. Deep Breathing Together
Take a few moments each day to practice deep breathing together. This simple yet effective tool can help reduce stress and create a sense of calm and unity.
4. Active Listening: Validating Feelings
Make space for each other to share feelings without judgment. Active listening—really hearing your partner’s experience and expressing empathy—helps to foster emotional safety and deeper understanding.
5. Affirmation and Reassurance
A little affirmation can go a long way. Offering words of encouragement and reassurance helps to build emotional security, especially in times of stress.
By incorporating co-regulation into your relationship, you create a supportive environment where both partners can thrive. This Valentine’s Day, consider not only the chocolates and flowers but also the tools that can help your relationship grow stronger and more connected to help you navigate all of life’s transitions.
